Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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