Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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