This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
