I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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