separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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