Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
