I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize