she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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