Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is Oprah even human
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize