i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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