come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
