Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
