I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
