Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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