I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
