Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
