I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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