Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
