She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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