I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
