my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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