is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
