tonight lets celebrate not being married
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just had sex on a roof
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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