never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
