hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I need moral support for this bender
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize