So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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