What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
