God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
