But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
