Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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