Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
