Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We don't watch enough power rangers
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
