Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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