if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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