I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
