fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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