there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
