my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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