before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
In America we eat man semen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
