dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
