his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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