it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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