Porn is love you can see.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
