He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
