Apparently you make a good broom.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
