while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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