I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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