No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
