we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm too high and old for this...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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