We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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