last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
