i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
