Apparently you make a good broom.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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