I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
