Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
