Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
