look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
