the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
