I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
