Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
