So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize