listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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