He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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