i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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