It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
