Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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