New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
