I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
