"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
