It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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