you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
