I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
