i was rollin on her like bob the builder
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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