Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
