I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
