If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
