its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize