I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize