Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
