woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize