i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize